i think my mom watched the whole time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
