? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
