I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
