woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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