Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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