Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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