Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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