home. puking in laundry basket.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
