he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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