I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize