And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
