bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
