I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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