It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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