I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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