My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
