Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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