i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He better not be in your backpack
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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