Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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