You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
