you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
