I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
