So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
