Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
