Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
