is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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