You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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