Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
