His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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