12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
