If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
