Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
