I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
