I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
