My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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