I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
