this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
