I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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