wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
