Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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