I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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