I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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