why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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