Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
