have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
