How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize