After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so let's talk penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
