I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
