I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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