I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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