Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
