I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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