My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
