Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
