what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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