I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
