O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
