glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
