Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will be naked everywhere
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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