So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
