Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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