dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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