She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
