Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
