You were right. It hurts to walk today.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
