Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
