I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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