Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
