my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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