mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
