My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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