Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
