You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
