I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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