piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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