umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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