I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
