i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize