Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
