i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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