i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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