A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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