Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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