It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
