tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
try to milk me bitch
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