Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
