Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
