i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
