Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
