I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
