I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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