I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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