it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
