go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
