Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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