Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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