i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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