You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
